“Hey … Is the coast clear?”
“My sensors aren’t picking up anything, Jeld. However ,-”

“Perfect!” Jeld kicked open the cargo case he was hiding in and rolled out onto the hangar floor.

He stood, dusted himself off and stretched.
“I was getting pretty stiff in there. You feeling okay, EVE?”

Jeld pulled out his tablet which contained the bodiless droid AI and tapped the display.

“Yes, Jeld. As I was saying earlier, my sensors wouldn’t pick up anything because I don’t have sensors. I’m trapped in a tablet. All I sense is existential dread at the inevitable failure of your objective.”
“Wait, really?”
“Yes. There is a 97% chance you will fail.”
“No I meant about sensing existential dread. I didn’t think droids were that complex.”
“Neither are most humans, as indicated by your insistence on calling me EVE. My actual designation is-”

“The single least interesting thing about you.”
Jeld looked around the hangar. It was pretty quiet and filled with shuttles. They all looked the same to him. Just big boxes with wings. EVE had assured him that there were two types of shuttles to be found but ships never were his thing. He wasn’t even sure if he had a thing. Stealing stuff, maybe. That’s a thing.

Yeah, that’s it. Jeld snuck around and stole stuff. Just like he and EVE had snuck in a cargo crate on a supply ship heading for the First Order Navy so he could steal EVE a body.
EVE was certainly a capable droid AI, despite never being in possession of a body. Over their short time together she had often provided Jeld with encyclopedic knowledge of anything and everything his sixteen year old mind could think of. He also learned he could hook her up to just about anything electronic and get it hacked. Although that usually took some convincing.

“So, now that we’re illegal stowaways on a First Order ship, where can we find you a body?”
“There is a 99% chance this ship contains a droid storage or repair room. There, I can be uploaded to a deactivated droid.”
“Really? Great. Where is that?”
“I do not possess that knowledge.”
Jeld looked at the tablet.

“What?”
“I do not possess that knowledge. Should I increase my volume?”
“What? No. I heard you. But I thought you knew everything.”
“I do not. However, you could upload map data into my hard drive. Then I would be able to tell you what you need to know.”

Jeld sighed and looked around the hangar. Just ships. Ships and machines for the ships.

“I don’t think there’s a map here. Wait … what’s that black thing?”

“My sensors indicate that it is likely a ship.”
“I thought you didn’t have sensors?”
“I have auditory sensors. You keep muttering about ships. Simple deductive reasoning-”
“Alright alright. Shush. It’s a little black ball with a box on top. It’s a droid of some kind.”
The round little droid had strolled through a door into the hangar and began rolling down the rows of ships. It’s blocky head mechanically jerked from side to side as though searching for something.

“Jeld, my databases indicate that you are most likely seeing a BB-series astromech droid. It may be performing a routine maintenance checkup. However, if it spots you, it will most certainly alert the First Order’s forces. It is my understanding that this scenario would be suboptimal.”
Jeld looked away from the droid and screwed his face.
“Eh?”
“You should hide.”
“I can do that.”
Jeld silently dashed behind a ship in a row adjacent to the one the BB droid was navigating. On instinct he began following the little black ball.

The droid gave no indication of noticing Jeld and finished it’s rounds without incident and started moving towards a door. Jeld steathfully followed behind several paces, making sure to stay near cover in case the droid suddenly turned.

He followed it to a ramp that led to a door and watched the BB unit exit the hangar. Jeld counted to thirty before heading to the door and attempting to open it.

“It won’t budge. Hey, EVE …”
“Technician Jeld, my designation is not EVE. It is-”
“EVE because I said so. You’re my droid -”
“I am not,”
“- and I need you to open this door.”
Jeld pulled a cable out of his pack and plugged EVE into the door’s terminal. After a few moments nothing happened.
“Hey, come on. Don’t be like this. Open the door!”
EVE was silent.
“Look, if you don’t open the door then you don’t get a body. Come on. This is in your best interest.”

“You did not ask nicely.”

“What? Come on we don't have time for this!”

EVE was silent again.

“Ugh okay. Will you please hack this door open for me?”
“This exceeds the normal parameters of behavior for a droid technician. I will make an exception just this once.”
“You’ve done this for me literally dozens of times.”
The light on the door’s terminal flashed green and the door slid open. Jeld packed the wire and walked into a long hallway.

“Well, guess I’ll just keep going straight until I get somewhere interesting.”
“This is why you will fail. You never plan for anything.”

“They say the best laid plans are doomed to fail. So why bother planning at all?”

“Technician Jeld, the adage you are referring to is meant to to convey the importance of flexibility with a plan. Not the dismissal thereof.”

“I'm flexible! I had to be a human pretzel to fit in that cargo crate!”

“I am destined to die trapped in a glorified calculator.”

Jeld approached a basic terminal in the hallway and plugged EVE in.

After a few moments EVE let out a beep and said, “Download complete. Check the display.”

Jeld glanced down at the display in his hands and pondered over the map. He saw a blinking green arrow indicating his location and direction, a pulsing red circle on the droid repair room, and yellow dots connecting the two. The rest of the map had each room labeled in simple text. He wasn't far from the droid repair room and that was just a small distance from a supply room. He stared at the map for several moments.

“What is wrong, Technician Jeld?”

“I'm your master, not your technician. Also, I have a great idea.”

“Both statements are false.”

“You can't prove that.”

“I can. Would you like me to begin? First, on the matter of being my technician and not my master: My designation is-”

“The least interesting thing about you and you're going to help me steal something more than a droid body,”

Of course she would. Stealing stuff was his thing now. He guessed. What was EVE’s thing?

“I owe you an apology, Technician Jeld.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yesterday, immediately after you said ‘EVE, I have the best idea ever!’ I came to the conclusion that you had come up with the worst idea possible. I see now that was unfair of me. I completely underestimated your ability to come up with even worse ideas.”

It was then that Jeld decided that EVE’s thing would be helping him steal until the end of time.
Jeld followed the map to the droid repair room and walked inside. The scene was horribly depressing. The room was dark and filled with rust, sparks, and deactivated droids. Almost all of them maintenance droids. He looked around and ignored the droids at work, who happily ignored him right back, until he found a bipedal droid about a meter and a half tall. He didn't recognize the long limbed feminine model, but decided it was perfect for EVE. It was black, had fully articulated joints, big hands but long slender fingers. It was as though it was designed especially to help him break into places and steal things. Jeld didn't contemplate fate or the force, but he was thinking it was with him in this.  

“The force wants me to be the galaxy's best thief.”

“You are delusional.”

“You are getting a body.”

“Your delusion serves me well.”

Jeld plugged EVE in and waited the longest forty-five seconds in the galaxy for her to upload into the new body.

“Well, how do you feel?”

“I feel like you will get me killed in a wonderful First Class body instead of a calculator.”

“Do you feel like stealing stuff?”

“No.”

“Good thing your feelings don't matter. Let's go!”
Jeld turned and began jogging towards the door. EVE turned and fell to the floor.

Jeld stopped and looked at the black mass of metal that managed to get tangled in more wires and cables than any room ought to have.

“EVE.”

‘Yes, technician?”

“That is not how you walk.”

“I am aware of this.”

A moment passed. EVE flailed about and somehow managed to get even more tangled.

“What are you doing?”

“Struggling.”

“I noticed. You should try standing up first. I hear that makes it easier.”

“I am trying. I have never had a body before and I was designed to possess a Third class body. This is -”

“A boring excuse. Look, just get up and when you start to fall, put your foot down instead. Alright?” Jeld crossed his arms, shaking his head.

“Brain the size of a planet but walking is too much for you.”

EVE managed to untangle herself. She stood up, perfectly erect, and began to fall. Before she hit the ground, however, she slammed her foot down to catch her fall.

“Thank you, technician. This method will prove adequate.”

EVE awkwardly stomped towards the door in a stumbling path that would make any drunk proud.

As she worked her precarious path towards the door, EVE said, “I believe I will develop an optimal walking procedure within a few minutes.”

Jeld considered that maybe EVE was right about this being a bad idea as a disgruntled maintenance droid fussed at EVE for tripping over its work.

As they made their way to the supply room, EVE became more proficient in the art of not quite falling down and developed an awkward gait that made Jeld think of a drunk gazelle in high gravity. They rounded a corner towards the supply room and Jeld tripped and fell over something small, metal, and round. He looked up and was face-to-box-head with a little black ball.

The little black ball had some choice beeps and whistles to say about it. Jeld wasn't sure what it meant but it was clearly inappropriate enough to cause EVE to clatter to the ground again. Or perhaps that was the method of stopping EVE decided required the least effort. He wasn't sure.

An eternity passed between Jeld and the droid. EVE stared metallically at the floor.

“Technician Jeld,” the face-planted droid said, “I believe that is the same BB unit you saw before. Once it has realized that you do not belong here, it will alert the guards. We should make an expeditious retreat.”

Jeld wasn't sure if he could take advice seriously from someone prostrate on the floor beside him. But the BB unit thought it could and beeped something at EVE, who thanked it for being polite, then hastily rolled away.

Lying on the floor with EVE, Jeld considered his situation. There was a chance something useful would be in the supply room, but stormtroopers would be here any minute. He could get up and make a run for it, but EVE was still learning to walk and he didn't steal her a new body just to leave it behind. What kind of droid can't walk? Useless. He looked at the map on his display.

The alarms blared.

“EVE,”

“There is a 76% chance that you will relay a new terrible idea.”

“Look on the bright side,” Jeld said with a grin, “you're not going to die a calculator.”

Years later, Jeld and EVE will be sitting at a cantina retelling the story to a group of laughing drunks about this day. They will not believe him when he insists that he was able to hijack a speeder, an electro-staff, and a BB unit. They will not believe that he and an uncoordinated EVE rode that speeder through the First Order’s capital ship, beating away stormtroopers as they rushed into the hangar and stole a shuttle. Nor will they believe him when he tells them he watched the fleet get destroyed by a hyperspace collision. But that's alright. They also won't believe it when they wake up the next day with all their valuables stolen. After all, they won't believe Jeld when he tells them that stealing is his thing.